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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/22589620">mac and cheese</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/merveeille/pseuds/merveeille'>merveeille</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Cracked Mind AU [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Steven Universe (Cartoon)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Cracked Mind AU, Diamond is just an asshole, Dissociative Identity Disorder, Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Quartz and Diamond are his alters, Quartz has a knife, Steven Universe Future, Steven has DID, and a tiny crush on Connie</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-02-06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-02-06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-04-28 13:33:41</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,894</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/22589620</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/merveeille/pseuds/merveeille</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Wow.", he hears Connie whisper in awe as she stares at him with stars in her eyes. He rolls his eyes, but the fucking blush on his cheeks appears again. "Stop staring.", he tells Connie without taking his eyes off his food.</p><p>"That was so fast!", she says eagerly; every bit of tension in her aura being replaced with excitement. "Steven’s never been so fast." </p><p>Pride unwillingly swells up in his chest. But as his passionless eyes meet hers, his expression stays as bland as the macaroni he’s eating. </p><p>"Well, I’m not Steven."</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Connie Maheswaran/Steven Universe</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Cracked Mind AU [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1625395</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>132</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>mac and cheese</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>hello<br/>this bitch finally made an AU </p><p>you can go follow my tumblr @sucrackedmindau for more information on this (it has art too guys!)  </p><p>enjoy!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p3"> </p><p class="p3"> </p><p class="p3"><br/>
There’s a bowl of Mac and Cheese in front of him, when he goes to the front.</p><p class="p3"> </p><p class="p2">He wasn’t expecting to come out this soon - nothing important is happening today. Steven was just going to hang out with someone. His eyes dart around, searching for <span class="s2">that someone. Shouldn’t she be here by now? Wait, who was Steven supposed to be with again? </span></p><p class="p2"><br/>
Quartz frowns, his left hand grabbing the spoon inside the bowl. Doesn’t matter, it’s not important. The spoon is cold in his hands, the bowl too. A quick look at Steven’s phone tells him that it’s been twenty minutes since their body was supposed to eat. His frown deepens. </p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">"You can’t keep doing this, Steven.", he mutters to himself, hoping that the host is listening. "Making me eat for you. It’s not healthy.” He waits, the spoon in his hand bending a bit at his tight grip. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">As always, Steven stays silent. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">He puts the spoon down, their body suddenly feeling more tense than before. Grabbing the bowl with an annoyed huff, he heads towards the microwave. His head turns down to the plain looking bowl - it doesn’t look appetizing </span>
  <span class="s2">at all. It’s that cheap powdered cheese with some soggy looking pasta. He sighs, his annoyance growing. Leave it to Steven to turn good food into the worst version of itself. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p3">
  <em>
    <span class="s4">Leave it to the hybrid to make good things bad and bad things worse. </span>
  </em>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">He freezes, just for a moment. Suddenly more frustrated than he should be (and god, </span>
  <em>
    <span class="s4">who even invented all of these fucking emotions?</span>
  </em>
  <span class="s2">) he puts the bowl down. It cracks, just a little bit, but it’s enough to make Diamond snicker. </span>
</p><p class="p4"> </p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s4"><em>Cracked bowl, cracked gem, cracked miiiind,</em> </span>
  <span class="s2">he sings with that infuriating tone of his and Quartz is yet again ready to punch their own face if it means that he’ll never have to hear the fucker‘s singing again. Instead, he growls in a low voice. "Shut it, Asshole, you’re the biggest fuck-up here." </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">Diamond still giggles, but he doesn’t pay him any attention anymore. Bacon bits - that should make his meal (and yes, it’s </span>
  <em>
    <span class="s4">his</span>
  </em>
  <span class="s2"> meal now, so screw veggies, all hail the bacon) more edible. He opens the fridge and takes them out, the scowl on his face softening. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">A few moments later, the bowl is heating up in the microwave. Quartz watches it turn with a weird fascination, while leaning his back against the kitchen counter; his favorite knife being balanced around his hands. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p3">
  <em>
    <span class="s4">Life isn’t always shit</span>
  </em>
  <span class="s2">, he thinks, as he twirls the knife around. It’s moments like these (quiet, </span>
  <span class="s4">peaceful) </span>
  <span class="s2">that remind him of that. He could be smiling, but he’d rather eat a spoon. Or the horrible Mac and cheese that‘s waiting for him in the microwave. He’s about to open the microwave when he senses another person nearby. Their body tenses up again. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">"Hey, you’re Quartz right?" </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">He turns to the voice (young, female, unsure, </span>
  <span class="s4"><em>not a threat</em>) </span>
  <span class="s2">and lowers the knife that he instinctively raised in her direction. He looks her over for a few seconds, before the recognition hits him. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">It’s that human girl. This is- </span>
  <em>
    <strong>
      <span class="s6">CONNIE</span>
    </strong>
  </em>
  <span class="s4">, </span>
  <span class="s2">somebody screams in his ears and it’s so sudden and loud and full of disgusting</span>
  <span class="s4"> emotions that he can’t even place, </span>
  <span class="s2">that he drops his knife and braces himself against the kitchen counter. </span>
  <em>
    <span class="s4">What the fuck was that? </span>
  </em>
  <span class="s2">Their heart is suddenly beating so fast that he’s expecting it to explode any moment.<br/>
<br/>
</span>
</p><p class="p3"><span class="s2">"Uh, are you okay?", <em>Connie</em></span><strong><span class="s4">CONNIE</span></strong><strike><em><span class="s6">Connie</span></em></strike> <span class="s2">asks and he doesn’t know how to react. There’s a river of flashy memories tied to her that are playing in front of his eyes like a movie, and every secret feeling, every secret </span><span class="s4">thought</span><span class="s2"> that Steven has ever had about her makes its way into his chest. </span></p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">His hands are shaking (</span>
  <em>
    <span class="s4">why are his fucking hands shaking??</span>
  </em>
  <span class="s2">) when he calms their body down enough to look at her without risking a heart attack. "Yes", he answers, short and neutral, before he picks up his precious knife from the bad, dirty floor. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">He’s inspecting the shiny metal for any flaws when he catches a glimpse of his reflection in it. His cheeks look more red than normal. They never do that. His jaw tenses. What is </span>
  <em>
    <span class="s4">happening </span>
  </em>
  <span class="s2">to him today? He glances back at Connie with a frown. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p3">
  <em>
    <span class="s4">What is this girl doing to their body? </span>
  </em>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">"Is that a knife?", she asks with a raised eyebrow, disbelief clear in her voice. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p3"><span class="s2">"Yes.", he answers again, same speed, same tone. A bit more harshness when he </span>continues: “Stop asking questions."</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">She looks a bit taken aback</span>
  <span class="s4">, </span>
  <span class="s2">but there’s a redness to her cheeks too. Her head lowers for a second, before a small smile appears on her face. “Sorry, this is just very fascinating." </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">"What?" There isn’t the slightest hint of surprise in his voice, (it doesn’t even sound like a question coming out of his mouth) and his face is as stoic as a statue. Connie should’ve been around Garnet long enough to not be intimidated by that, but Quartz can sense that she still is. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">(He doesn’t know who the hell thought that it would be a good idea to give </span>
  <em>
    <span class="s4">him </span>
  </em>
  <span class="s2">the empathetic abilities, but they are as helpful as they are aggravating) </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">But she’s not only intimated. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">Connie is </span>
  <em>
    <span class="s4">blushing</span>
  </em>
  <span class="s2"> - and that’s what it is, isn’t it? She’s blushing, and he’s blushing too, they’re both blushing because of these needles </span>
  <em>
    <span class="s4">love</span>
  </em>
  <span class="s2"> emotions or whatever is giving him this warmth in his chest and cheeks and stomach. Whatever is making him feel like he’s about to float, whenever her eyes meet his. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">Doesn’t matter, it’s not important. Connie is not important. Not to him. He should focus on his task right now. Eating. That’s what Steven needs him for. Eating gross Mac and cheese. </span>
</p><p class="p2">And that’s all he’s here for, isn’t he? Doing things that Steven can’t handle on his own. He’s too weak for that. And Quartz is strong.</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">The strongest of them. Because he’s not weak and emotional, </span>
  <em>
    <span class="s4">vulnerable</span>
  </em>
  <span class="s2"> like Steven and he’s not a tyrannical </span>
  <em>
    <span class="s4">nutcase </span>
  </em>
  <span class="s2">like Diamond. No, he’ll never be as cruel as a diamond. And he’ll never be as warm as a human. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">And that’s </span>
  <span class="s4"><em>fine</em>. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">"You! Uhm- I mean, Steven has told me so much about you and...Diamond." Her eyes look down, matching how low her voice gets at the mention of Diamond. Her aura shifts into something tight and uncomfortable. It’s not as intense as what the gems feel whenever the sociopath is mentioned. Dread will always coat them like a thick blanket that they’re never able to take off completely, worry stitched in with a needle made of anxiety and a vast of other (scary) emotions blended into one. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">But the gems are a bunch of dramatic bitches, so Quartz usually doesn’t concentrate on their auras. If they could hear Diamond’s rendition of this stupid Lion King song about becoming a king in their head right now, they’d never be afraid of him again. Ugh, he doesn’t want to think about them anymore. He hates thinking about irrelevant things. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">Speaking of irrelevant - Connie is still talking to him. Even though he’s clearly busy with his task. Or with the thought of his task. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">The bowl is still in the microwave. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">He puts his knife in his gem and in a blink, the bowl is in his hands. Literally in a blink. He grabs the spoon (and it’s finally warm) and starts to dig in. Like expected, it tastes like shit, but stars, the bacon bits are to die for.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">"Wow.", he hears Connie whisper in awe as she stares at him with stars in her eyes. He rolls his eyes, but the fucking blush on his cheeks appears again. "Stop staring.", he tells Connie without taking his eyes off his food.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">"That was so fast!", she says eagerly; every bit of tension in her aura being replaced with excitement. "Steven’s never been so fast." </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">Pride unwillingly swells up in his chest. But as his passionless eyes meet hers, his expression stays as bland as the macaroni he’s eating. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">"Well, I’m not Steven."</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">He expects her to look down in shame again. To suddenly be uncomfortable with him. Expects her to realize that this is real, this is serious, but to deny it. Just like everyone did. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p3">
  <em>
    <span class="s4">"But Steven-" </span>
  </em>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p3">
  <em>
    <span class="s4">"Stop calling me that. I’m not him." </span>
  </em>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p3">
  <em>
    <span class="s4">"What do you mean?!" </span>
  </em>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p3">
  <em>
    <span class="s4">"Pearl, we need to be calm about this. Steven is clearly confused right now. He needs- </span>
  </em>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p3">
  <em>
    <span class="s4">"Stars, I’m not </span>
    <strong>
      <span class="s6">him </span>
    </strong>
    <span class="s4">okay?" </span>
  </em>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p3">
  <em>
    <span class="s4">"Well, who are you then, dude who looks and sounds like Steve-o?" </span>
  </em>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p3">
  <em>
    <span class="s4">“Quartz." </span>
  </em>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p3">
  <em>
    <span class="s4">"....Rose Quartz?"</span>
  </em>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p3">
  <strong>
    <em>
      <span class="s4">"</span>
      <span class="s6">No. Call me that again and I won’t hesitate to reduce every single one of you to shards." </span>
    </em>
  </strong>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p3">
  <em>
    <span class="s4">"...."</span>
  </em>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p3">
  <em>
    <span class="s4">"...This isn’t Steven." </span>
  </em>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p3">
  <em>
    <span class="s4">“Yeah, no shit." </span>
  </em>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">Instead she just keeps on talking. Still excited. He checks her aura - still comfortable with him (Not like he would care if she didn’t like him or something). "Yeah! You’re taller than him, right? And..", she points to his food, "you’re not a vegetarian.” He nods, looking down at his own food. He’s almost done. The host is probably going to want to switch back soon. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">At the thought of that, something inside his stomach stirs. It’s not his familiar annoyance, not even the occasional anger - it’s small, fragile and </span>
  <span class="s4">new </span>
  <span class="s2">and he doesn’t like it. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">"We should go eat burgers sometime!", she suddenly blurts out and her cheeks regain the blush that she lost in her excitement. He stares at her incredulously, eyebrows raised again. His intense gaze makes her fiddle with the strap on her overalls. "Uh, I mean, there’s this new restaurant that opened just a few miles from here, and I heard that their burgers are </span>
  <em>
    <span class="s4">really </span>
  </em>
  <span class="s2">good, but Steven can’t stomach stuff like that right now and...", she trails off, her aura overflowing with uncertainty. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p3"><span class="s2">The thing in his stomach grows. He wants her to keep talking. Without realizing it, he uses his own aura to soothe hers. She blinks, once, twice, before the small smile that she wore before appears again. "They have these </span>jam-filled biscuits that I wanted to try. I don’t know if you know about-"</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">"Jam buds.", he interrupts her without meaning to. A song plays in his head. And it’s not Diamond singing. It’s Steven, young and still innocent, his broken ukulele (<em>but it’s not broken yet</em>) and her, playing the violin. It plays faint and distant, but he knows that this is important to them. It’s their thing. Not his. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">"Yeah, Jam buds.”, she confirms with a fondness in her voice. She’s staring at him again, waiting for a reply. He sighs internally. He doesn’t like this. Having conversations. But at the same time he doesn’t want to stop this. </span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2"><br/>
His task is finished, but he doesn’t want to go. </span>
</p><p class="p3"> </p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">He knows what’s bubbling up in his stomach now. It’s disappointment. And fuck, he doesn’t want to feel this. It’s awful. And Connie is going to feel it too if he refuses. Because she’sgenuine about this. He can tell. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">"Sure.", he says and he tries to give her a smile back. He fails, but at least he’s not frowning. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">"Really?", she asks and her own smile grows wider. She can smile bright enough for both of them, he decides. Maybe she can do that more, next time.  </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">"Yeah.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Quartz @ Steven: notice me senpai<br/>Diamond: okay :3<br/>Quartz: nOT YOU</p></blockquote></div></div>
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